The Holy Wild

A few years ago I remember sitting in my safe lazyboy rocker in my safe lounge room, surrounded by the products of my safe job, reading the book 'Your God Is Too Safe' by Mark Buchanan, it covers the idea that most Christians live safe lives in 'Borderland' following a safe God that we have remade in our own image, a God who makes few demands on us and who offers little in return. But, if we are willing to step out into the 'Holy Wild', to put ourselves into the hands of the Living God, who is not safe but is good, we will have great demands placed on us, and we will receive great blessings. (Click here for a more thorough review.)

I remember wishing I had the courage to make that step out of Borderland and into the Holy Wild. I think I even prayed about it. Then I continued with my safe little life.

At the end of last year when I was struggling to decide what to do with 2010, after my year of running away from real life, I had the sense that I was choosing between returning to my safe life or stepping into the Holy Wild. I could go back to my teaching job, buy a house, settle into a mortgage and do lots of good helping students and work for God in a predictable safe way. Or, I could resign, cast my life into God's hand and step into the Holy Wild. I don't think either decision would have been wrong, they just represented widely branching paths my life could take. I did not have peace with either option and eventually was able to take another years leave - which was a miracle in itself, and I needed the letter from the school confirming that I was on leave to get my visa to come to the US. So essentially I postponed the decision.

My first Sabbath in the US (I've told that story before) the speaker who impacted me so much used the illustration of being on a tandem bike with Jesus in the front and you behind, and He says 'just peddle' and your off. Through all sorts of scary places and you can't see where your going because Jesus's back is in front of you filling your view, but you trust Him, so you peddle. To me this sounds just like the idea of the Holy Wild. (In fact it might even have been used in the book, but its been a few years since I read it and I don't remember.)

After I got my acceptance to AFCOE I had many moments of doubt, God definitely seemed to be leading and was filling all the small needs on my list, but there were a couple of major ones He didn't seem to be touching. I started to think about going back to teaching in 2011 and making lots of money and I spent a few days participating in some wishful thinking. One day I was reading from my daily devotional book and the verse was "And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God." Luke 9:62. I was totally looking back and even considering turning back. So that night I emailed my principal in NZ and said that I did not think that I would be back to teach next year but that I could not resign officially because of my immigration issues.  Then I wrote my resignation letter and saved it to my desktop.

Yesterday I realised that since my immigration issues are settled there was no reason for me to not send in my official resignation anymore. And the letter I had written was sitting on my desktop starring at me. Then the day started and I put it out of my mind. Last night I got an email from my principal, asking 'did I know yet what I was intending to do next year?' and including a form I had to fill in for the MOE (Ministry of Education - government department in NZ.)

So, I took my courage in hand and I wrote an email of reply and attached my official resignation letter and clicked send. And the internet connection didn't work. I had to go up to the lawn in front of the cafeteria to get a working connection - felt vaguely anticlimactic!

My resignation has been sent so now I am officially in the Holy Wild. Feeling a little scared but I know God will take care of me based on the sooooo obvious way he has led me in the past. However I hope He shows me soon what I'm going to do next year.