Thoughts On Singleness

So I think being thirty eight and a half years old and still unmarried qualifies me to have thoughts on singleness!!! (Does that surprise anyone? To find out I’m so old?? Today I managed to shock someone – a girl I’ve met over here, seen her almost every day for a month – she is 30, she thought she was older than me! So nice for the Ego!!!)

Post your comments, I’m going to send this off and see if I can get it, or a near approximation of it, published. Any constructive criticism you have will be appreciated.

By the way – was interesting to see that the people who commented on my question about ranking the Ten Commandments ended up where I did with regards to covetousness, thanks Melanie for leading that portion of the discussion, and thanks to all the others who joined in, always amazes me how my friends who have never meet each other will quiet happily talk to each other – lets me know I choose good friends!

Thoughts On Singleness

When I was young I almost unconsciously would rank the Ten Commandments in order of importance, yes I knew they were all important and that to break one was the same as breaking them all, but somewhere I got the idea that some were more important than others. At the top of my rating scale was number four: ‘Remember the seventh day to keep it holy...’ Probably because this was emphasised so much by church, school and home. At the very bottom of my list was number 10: ‘thou shalt not covet...’ I used to wonder ‘What is wrong with wanting things??’ ‘Wanting things is how we get ahead, how we grow, how we improve, as long as we are not taking what belongs to other people how can wanting thing be wrong??’

As I grew older I came to realise that this is actually the most important of the commandments because keeping this one protects us from breaking all the others. Think it through;

•           If you steal – you first coveted the object
•           If you commit adultery – you first coveted the person
•           If you kill – you first coveted a world without that person in it
•           If you break the Sabbath – you first coveted that time for yourself
•           If you take Gods name in vain – you first coveted your own pleasure above God’s good name and so ruined His reputation a little more.

And the list continues, for every broken commandment there is something that was coveted first, something we want that we think we don’t have.  James said it very concisely when he said “... each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” (James 1:14-15)

I think God included ‘Thou shalt not covet’ in the Ten Commandments in for three reasons;

1.       Keeping it stops us from breaking the other 9.

2.       Keeping it protects us from a lot of unhappiness caused by wanting things we don’t/can’t have.

3.       Wanting things pushes us to act on our own to get those things. This means that even with good things we are grasping them by our own hand rather than waiting on God to provide.

Now at this point I am guessing that some of you are thinking, ‘well that’s very interesting – but what does it have to do with singleness?’ So let me make my case ...

I am single. Would I like to be married? Yes, if it is the right person ... I long ago made my peace with God that I only wanted to marry the person He chooses for me, at the time and place of His choosing. Am I happy? Most of the time I would answer a resounding ‘Yes’ to that question. I have so much more freedom than my married friends, if I want to blow my whole pay cheque on a new dress and shoes I can, without having to justify my actions to anyone. I can line all the cans up in the cupboard just so and know that they will not be mussed, or stay up to three o’clock in the morning to finish that oh so riveting book because I know the only person I have to deal with on the morrow is myself.  And yet I am also unhappy at times, and the root of this unhappiness is covetousness. I covet a state of being that God has not yet brought into my life. There is nothing wrong with the state of marriage, indeed the Bible says ‘He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the LORD.’ (Proverbs 18:22) However my covetous attitude causes me to be unhappy.

When the car breaks down, or there is another big ugly scary spider to be dealt with, it would be so nice to have a man around. I see an old couple walking down the road holding hands, So Cute, and I envy their shared history and wonder when God is going to allow me to experience that part of life’s journey. I meet a new single man and begin to wonder ‘Is he The One...’

I am learning that the opposite of covetousness is contentment. Paul said ‘I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:12-13) Contentment is breed from trust. Trust that God will protect my heart. Trust that God knows what is best for my life, for growing my character. Trust that God will do what is best to reveal His glory in me. Trust that God fills the role of husband, protector, provider and companion in my life.  Proverbs 19:23 puts it this way ‘The fear of the LORD leads to life: Then one rests content, untouched by trouble.’ When trouble comes, and it will, it will not affect me because I will be content in that situation too.

I am learning not to covert a life stage that is not yet mine and instead to say ‘in singleness or marriage, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, I am content in the Lord.’