Here is the sermon I preached this morning, I just deleted the introductory chitchat.
The topic for today is forgiveness.
Tell me, what does it mean to forgive?
According to the dictionary I looked at, forgiveness is a verb that means; "To release a person from liability for an offense."
Who has ever struggled to forgive someone?
I have a confession to make, for the first time in my life I've really struggled to forgive someone. Up until now forgiveness has always been easy for me, but this year I had my first ever broken friendship, I've never ever even fought with a friend before, and never had a broken friendship in all the 44 years of my life, until now. To make matters worse, even though I have tried to apologise for my part in starting the fights that broke our friendship, this friend has been really inconsistent about mending the friendship. Sometimes acting as if nothing was ever wrong, but mainly acting as if I do not exist. This has all been new to me, and has hurt me terribly, in a way I've never experienced before. There's been quite a lot of firsts from this, I've cried a lot, I've wallowed in grief, self pity, anger, guilt, blame, remorse... emotions I've never indulged before. It has not been pretty!!
As I've negotiated my way through this maze of negativity I've learned to turn to God for support, and I've learned lots of hard lessons, hard but good, but even though I can see how God has been faithful to keep His promise that 'all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose' (Romans 8:28) I've still struggled to forgive my friend and so finally, after a lot of resistance on my part, finally I acknowledged to myself that I needed to really study out what the Bible has to say about forgiveness. This sermon is a few of my thoughts that have come from that study.
Now who can tell me, who is the best forgiver in the Bible?
Would you be willing to agree that it is Jesus?
We are going to start our study today with Jesus most famous act of forgiveness, can you tell me what it is?
Let's look at Luke 23:33-34
And when they were come to the place, which is called Calvary, there they crucified him, and the malefactors, one on the right hand, and the other on the left. Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do...
"Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."
Who are they? Who was there that day?
The priests,
Pilate,
The Roman soldiers
The crowd,
The the thieves on either side,
The disciples
What had they done?
The priests had knowingly taken an innocent man to the Romans and demanded that he be put to death.
Pilate had condemned him to a death he did not deserve,
The Roman soldiers had flogged, tormented and nailed him onto a cross,
The crowd had mocked, derided and called for his death,
The the thieves on either side had mocked him, (Yes one of them did convert at the end, but both mocked to start with.)
The disciples had deserted, denied and betrayed him.
Did they all know they did these things?
Of course they knew.
The priests knew Jesus was innocent, but they wanted to get rid of him to maintain their power over the people.
Pilate knew Jesus was innocent but he wanted to avoid political unrest from the Jews.
The Roman soldiers knew Jesus was innocent, but they didn't care, they just hated all Jews.
The crowd knew Jesus was innocent, but they were riding a wave of excitement and unrest stirred up by the priests.
The thieves on the cross knew Jesus was innocent, but they were struggling with their own circumstances and convictions.
The disciples certainly knew Jesus was innocent but they were being pursued by their own fear.
They all knew that what they were doing was wrong, a sin, evil.
And yet, Jesus forgave them, He forgave them in the very act, and He declared "They know not what they do!"
What they didn't know was that they were killing their creator and their God.
How could Jesus forgive like this?
I believe the answer is Love.
Jesus had two great loves, one love was for humanity, the other was for His Father. His love for us, and His love for the Father supported Him through the greatest test of His life, His death. His two great loves enabled Him to forgive humanity, to forgive us, you and me, as He went into a terrible death that should never have been His.
Consider Jesus, He was both fully human and fully divine. Leading up to His death He had had a life of 33 years as a man on earth, and a life of eternity as God in heaven before He was born as a baby.
In both these lives He knew he was destined to die. He chose to die because He loved us.
We see Jesus the divine in heaven before he is born as the babe in Bethlehem, before our world was even created, making a plan with His Father to be "the Lamb slain from the foundation of the world." (Revelation 13:8) He knew what his mission was before He ever chose to become a human. He knew and loved us long before we were created. Jeremiah 1:5 tells us "Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee..." Here God is talking specifically about Jeremiah, but the passage applies equally to every single person ever conceived. Divine Jesus knew you before you were a twinkle in your father's eye, and He loved you. Divine Jesus chose to be born and then die for you, so that He could have a chance to spend the rest of eternity with you. Divine Jesus loves you.
Jesus the man predicted His own death, Matthew 26:1-2 records "And it came to pass, when Jesus had finished all these sayings, he said unto his disciples, Ye know that after two days is the feast of the passover, and the Son of man is betrayed to be crucified." Human Jesus knew what was going to happen to him, crucifixion and betrayal, but still He chose in the Garden of Gethsemane to go ahead with His mission, for love.
We see Jesus the man in the Garden of Gethsemane crying out to God to find another way to save the world, but he knows even then that there is no other way, and so because of love for us and for the Father He chose to go through with the plan of salvation all the way to the bitter end.
Matthew 26:39,42,44
39And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.
42He went away again the second time, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done.
44And he left them, and went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words.
Three times He prayed for another way, and three times He yielded to God. When He left the Garden His purpose was set, His determination was firm. His choice was made. For love.
Hebrews 12:2
Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
The joy set before Him is spending eternity with me in heaven, and with you.
Think for a moment, in Matthew 26:53 as Peter is waving his sword around cutting off an ear in his feeble attempt to save Jesus says, "Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels?"
The only thing that kept Jesus on the cross was His choice, He was not a helpless victim, He could have left the cross at any time and gone back to heaven. All the humans that have ever lived on earth would be no match for 12 legions of angels, if Jesus had wanted to go back to heaven nothing could have stopped Him. Only His choice, made from love kept Him there.
Now how does this apply to forgiveness?
Remember I said that it was love that enabled Jesus to forgive us while we were in the act of killing Him?
Because Jesus chose before hand not to hold us accountable for our actions. He chose before hand to forgive us, because He loved us and He loved His father.
"They don't know what they are doing. I forgive them, Father you forgive them too. I love them."
Remember also that I said Jesus had two great loves, so far we have really only talked about Jesus love for humanity, for me (Jesus loves me!), and for you (Jesus loves you too!).
Jesus other great love was for His Father, the love shared between Jesus and the Father sustained Him, and enabled Him to continue even in the face of our almost total rejection of Him.
A huge aspect of love is trust, and Jesus trusted His Father implicitly, Mrs White tells us that He accepted all things that happened to Him as if they came from the Father's hand.
In Ministry of Healing we read...
"The Father's presence encircled Christ, and nothing befell Him but that which infinite love permitted for the blessing of the world. Here was His source of comfort..." {MH 488.4}
So even when it seemed like an impossible thing in the Garden of Gethsemane, the Love and Trust that Jesus had for His Father allowed Him to accept the terrible things that were about to happen to Him, for love.
Now let's make it practical, how does this apply to me forgiving my friend?
I didn't know beforehand that my friend and I would have some terrible arguments, I didn't know that my friend would stop talking to me. I never would have dreamed that one of my best friends could throw away our friendship so easily - I don't really know if it was easy, but to my hurting heart it seems that way.
I didn't make a choice beforehand to keep loving my friend no matter what.
But I can make that choice now, I can say now, "My friend doesn't know how much they have hurt me, I'm sure they wouldn't have done it if they did, I still love my friend, I will forgive."
That's the first step.
The second step is to sink myself into the father's love.
To truly love means you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you accept the risk that you may be hurt, that you may not be loved in return, that you may be rejected.
When we are living in unforgiveness we are trying to protect ourselves from being hurt again, we are withholding our love.
To forgive means we give up our self protection and we risk being hurt all over again.
This means that true forgiveness can only come from a place of love, because to truly forgive is to make yourself vulnerable again to the person you are forgiving.
And this is really hard, because when someone has hurt you it is almost impossible to trust that they won't do it again.
But we can trust the Father's love.
When the hurt is big and I feel like my heart must explode I can remind myself that God is GOOD, that God LOVES ME, that God can be TRUSTED, that anything that comes into my life has been allowed by Him for what MUST be a good purpose. No matter how terrible that thing seems to be.
Like Jesus I can accept that my broken friendship has been allowed by the Father for a GOOD purpose, and even though I can't see how it can possibly be a good thing, I can trust my God who sees the end from the beginning and who loves me.
How does this apply to you and the situations in your life?
Two steps
1. Choose to forgive now, even in the middle of the pain, choose to keep loving, choose to be vulnerable.
2. Sink yourself into the Father's love, remind yourself that God is GOOD, that God LOVES YOU, that God can be TRUSTED, that anything that comes into YOUR life has been allowed by Him for what MUST be a good purpose. No matter how terrible that thing seems to be.
Like Jesus, YOU can accept that your situation has been allowed by the Father for a GOOD purpose, and even though You can't see how it can possibly be a good thing, you can trust your God who sees the end from the beginning and who loves you.
Finally, a warning and a practical tip:
1. The Warning: Not all relationships can or should be restored. Forgiveness is the first step on the road to reconciliation. There are several steps on this road, and while forgiveness only requires one person - you - reconciliation requires two, sometimes it is not possible, or not advisable to walk the whole road to reconciliation with the other person.
Sometimes the other person refuses to be reconciled, in that case all you can do is sadly shake your head and let them be, pray for them, do good for them, and forgive them.
Sometimes the other person is not a safe person (Eg wife beaters and child molesters) and while those people MUST be forgiven, (Matthew 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.) there is nowhere in the Bible where God requires you to put yourself back in an unsafe position.
Reconciliation is a whole other sermon, maybe one day I will get the chance to preach it to you.
2. The Practical Tip - What to do when your feelings are getting the better of you:
You know those moments when you feel so angry you want to hit the other person? Or so sad all you want to do is curl up in bed and cry until there are no tears left? When you feel like the sun will never come out again and your shoes are made of lead? When you realize that for the last 45 minutes you've been rehearsing in your head all the things the other person has done wrong and exactly what you want to shout at them? When you've gone to sleep in tears every night for a week and you feel like you just can't go on?
I've been to those places too, they are not pretty!!!!!!!
What I've learned is the importance of thought control.
When you realize you're in one of those places you have to wrench your thoughts away from the other person and onto God. To think of the offense, the hurt, only makes it bigger, it makes the wounds in your heart bigger.
Instead grab a promise in your mind and start to repeat it over and over, emphasize your trust in God, that you believe that He loves you, that He is trustworthy, that He has a plan and a purpose, even though you don't understand it.
One that I have found particularly effective is Romans 8:28, repeat it as often as you need to, say it out loud if you can.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose....
You get the idea.
As you practice controlling your thoughts it does get easier, as you practice focusing on Jesus and His goodness, God and His love, you do start to heal, and the pain does diminish.
Because when you do this you are practicing Isaiah 26:3 "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee."
You are practicing keeping your mind 'stayed' fastened on God and His goodness, then He keeps His promise and gives you peace.
You'll probably have to repeat this many times, but the attacks of sadness and anger and unforgiveness will decrease, I promise, and more importantly God promises.
And always remember, Jesus loves you more.
John 3:16-17
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
